


Yellow

by DestielDestiny



Category: Supernatural
Genre: AU, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-22
Updated: 2016-01-21
Packaged: 2018-05-15 11:22:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5783494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DestielDestiny/pseuds/DestielDestiny
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cas and Dean met in the summer of 2002, just before their high school graduation. Several years later, they stumble upon each other again and a lot has changed. They're living very different lives from those they held when they last saw each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Yellow

**SUMMER OF 2002**

_Lawrence, Kansas_

The hot, sticky June air hung around the throng of people like a haze, a reminder of what little time they had left together.

They were eighteen, seniors in high school at a party they had no business being at. Dean was resigned to the fact that he’d forever be seen as part of that crowd. The crowd that gives off the constant aura of sexy superiority on top of their “holier than thou” attitude. He liked the parties well enough, and he could suffer through the sex, but over all, it really just wasn’t his scene.

There were bodies everywhere, pressing in on all sides. There were drinks, mostly beer or some of the not-so-subtly spiked punch, sloshing as the crowd moved in sync with each other. Dean dodged an elbow that flew above his head deftly, with practiced motion. He smiled at the girl who had been staring at him all night with that practiced smirk, but he knew it didn’t mean anything. Even if she did get him into bed, he’d be home before morning, not willing enough to piss off his dad.

Dean wove his way to a back room where he assumed he’d find young love making itself apparent on the bed, but the seven people in the room were not having an orgy: they were playing truth or dare.

_Which,_ he reminded himself, _could still turn into an orgy._

But it didn’t, as he hovered in the doorway, get anywhere near too bad. They were all goofing off, being nostalgic in their drunken buzz. Most of them had been going to school together for north of ten years, Dean being the intruder who’d only been there for junior and senior years. Sure, it made him feel like an outsider sometimes, like while Lisa was recounting the story of how Anna had accidentally gotten peanut butter up Benny’s nose in the fifth grade, but it usually didn’t bother him.

This one was of the times it did.

Watching Anna giggle and throw her arm around Charlie, who in turn looked to her girlfriend, Jo, Dean felt extremely out of place. He knew, somewhere deep inside of him, that he didn’t belong here, and he never would.

“Who invited him?” somebody shrieked from out in Lisa’s great room. There was the gentle purr of an engine, a sound that comforted Dean unto itself, and the slam of a car door. The front door opened, allowing a gust of warm summer air inside, making Dean shift uncomfortably. He couldn’t see what all of the commotion was about from where he stood, but he didn’t have to wait long before the same voice spoke again. “Get lost, Novak.”

It had to be that kid from the dance. It had been quite the spectacle. Prom itself, as Dean recalled it, had been a spectacle.

Dean had taken Lisa as his date. It was simple, easy, no strings attached. It was the way it should always be. They hung out with their friends mostly, not so much coupled off like he’d expected. Dean had braced himself for the worst, so he was glad when his preparation became unnecessary.

There had been a problem with drugs and alcohol a few years before at a school dance, so there was required breathalyzer tests upon entry, especially at prom.

A few of the guys from the football team had thought it would be fun to get Castiel Novak in trouble by spiking his drink during dinner. The football meatheads had been friends of one of the older Novaks, probably Gabriel, so they usually treated Castiel with a shred of respect.

So, spiked drink and all, Castiel took the breathalyzer test…and failed. That ticked off most of the staff and completely disorganized chaos ensued—mostly because they hadn’t expected to have any issues—which prompted some of the other football doofuses to spike the punch and slip marijuana in some unlikely foods and then presto: instant party.

Except it wasn’t—there turned out to be several allergies, seven angry parents, and a teenager in a tree—and the entire senior classes had been given detention for it.

But yeah, this Novak definitely had to be the one from Prom. People would have greeted Gabriel with open arms, and Michael? Well, they would have cowered with fear.

But Castiel? He was just the nerd that nobody cared much for. It made Dean kind of sad to see, even though he’d never really talked to Castiel before. In all truth, he reminded Dean a little too closely of himself. 

His eyes tracked the parting of the crowd around the young boy as he pushed his way through. Castiel appeared in the other side, looking more disheveled than usual.

Dean inhaled deeply, regretting it as marijuana and sweat reached his lungs. Castiel looked up at him and his breath caught in his throat, Castiel’s blue eyes so piercing Dean would have sworn he could see into his soul.

“Dean! Hey, Dean!” Lisa shouted over the music. He reeled back around to face her before realizing he was still standing in the doorway. “Earth to Winchester!”

“Sorry,” he muttered sheepishly, moving to leave.

“No, really, you’re fine. We just wanted to know if you wanted to play with us.” She said. The giddy look of completely ridiculous happiness had yet to leave her, or any of them for that matter. This was their last hurrah. They had a right to be happy.

“Uh, yeah,” Dean replied, thinking of Castiel. “I’ll be right back.”

He was surprised it took him so long to find the black haired boy. People were avoiding Castiel like the plague, which only made Dean feel worse.

Dean found him standing by the television, a distant expression etched in his soft features. He decided that Castiel had probably inhaled second hand smoke by that point, as he was standing in a cloud near the smokers.

Dean tapped him on the shoulder from behind to get his attention. “Hey, you wanna come play a game?”

Castiel looked up at Dean, tilting his head slightly in confusion before nodding. Dean smiled in relief, grabbed his hand, and dragged him to the back room.

“Would ya look at that?” Jo said. “You found a friend.”

Castiel flushed and he looked up at Dean for help. He stayed quiet, letting Dean talk to his friends. “Looks like I did. So, truth or dare, huh?”

“You wanna go first?” Charlie suggested. “Or we could get Novak to go first.”

Casting a sidelong glance at the petrified Castiel, Dean plopped himself on the bed, saying, “I’ll go.”

“Truth or dare, then?” Lisa asked.

Dean dragged Castiel down beside him. He was a lot heavy, and a lot stronger, than Dean though he’d be.

“I’m just warming up here, so I’m thinking truth, but what does our boy Cas think?” Dean responded, his arrogance peeking through his voice.

Cas squeaked unintelligibly.

“Truth it is, then,” Lisa said with a shrug. Benny, Anna, and Charlie bent their heads together with Lisa and they whispered back and forth, trying to decide what to ask.

“Cas, relax,” Dean whispered, pulling at the boy’s collar. “They’re not going to hurt you.”

Cas looked up from the bed, still as tense as he had been. “You’re Dean. Dean Winchester.”

“Right-o,” Dean replied with one of his blinding smiles.

“We’ve decided,” Lisa announced.

“Shoot,” Dean said. He laid a hand across Cas’s shoulders, trying to force him to relax.

“Are you gay?” Lisa asked.

Dean’s eyes went wide. “Wh—why would—what the—what?” he sputtered.

“You’ve got to answer it,” Charlie said. Everyone was looking at him, anticipating his answer. It struck Dean as odd, though, that the most interested person seemed to be Castiel, who was still trying to shrug off his arm. “But you’re lack of girlfriend when chicks are practically throwing themselves at you may have been the tip off.”

“I’m, uh—you could call my sexuality ‘fucks everything that walks’ if you like.” Dean said finally, becoming more unnerved by the stares as time wore on.

Benny snorted. “Sounds ‘bout right, brother.”

Cas was still watching Dean intently as the game continued. When it came to Cas’s turn, it occurred to Dean that this had been what the girls had been planning all along.

“Hey, Cas, truth or dare?” Anna asked.

Cas shrugged and spoke his first fifth word of the night. “Dare.”

“Brave one you’ve got there, Dean,” Lisa said with an overzealous wink. Dean just rolled his eyes and let his hand slide lazily down Cas’s back. He refused to let his friends get on his nerves.

“I dare you to make out with someone in this room. The _hottest_ someone in this room.” Anna ventured, wiggling her eyebrows.

If that had been what they were planning, it took a lot of assumptions to make it work, to conduct it as effortlessly as it had been pulled off.

Cas looked up into Dean’s gorgeous green eyes and he couldn’t think of anybody else being hot. Dean had redefined the term. He was gorgeous, beautiful, handsome, and yes, _hot_ , all while still being completely adorable at the same time.

Cas leaned forward into Dean and pulled at his jacket to bring his mouth closer.

“Cas?” Dean rasped nervously. But Castiel didn’t hear the hesitation in his voice, or the desperation, for that matter. He heard _Dean_ , and that was enough. Their lips touched with the utmost gentlest of brushes. Neither was willing to push it too far past that first initial touch until Jo made a scoffing noise, drawling, “You call that a kiss?”

And then it increased to something almost pornographic; hot and heavy and constant touching, it was like their bodies were made for each other, puzzle pieces finally finding their place. Dean had pinned Castiel to the bed beneath and was leaving his mark all over his neck and collar bones. Cas arched up and ground their hips together, pleased with the way the friction made Dean almost hungrier for it.

The others watched amusedly as the two kept going, almost to the brink of everyone else needing to leave, before pulling back.

Dean liked the lingering taste of Cas in his mouth. It wasn’t the alcohol that had been on the breath of nearly every girl he’d kissed. No, this was different. This was breath mints trying to disguise chocolate and nuts. He needed it back almost as soon as he’d pulled himself back.

Benny let out a low, long whistle, “Well, I think that counts.”

“I approve,” Lisa said, smirking.

“Call me for the wedding,” Anna said.

Dean could hear everybody else, but his eyes were still trained on Cas beneath him, pupils dilated in arousal. Castiel: panting under him. Castiel: growing erection near his thigh. Castiel: the only thing he would ever need ever again.

“Yeah,” Dean muttered. Cas smirked up at him before wiggling out from under his grasp. “Yeah, Cas, we should do that again sometime.”

Cas flushed, but tried to hide it with his jacket. “You know, I would, but that would require feelings and I’m not into that.”

He stood, stepping over the people on the floor.

“Oh no you don’t, Novak,” Dean said, snapping out of his transfixion and getting up after him. “It’s not that easy.”

“Oh yeah?” Cas challenged, whirling around. “Exactly how hard is it to get away?”

“You gotta go out with me, at least once, but probably twice.”

Charlie said something about pulling camera phones out as Dean reached for Cas over Lisa’s head where she knelt on the floor.

“Is this you asking me out?”

“Oh hell yeah.”

“Then this is me, saying yes.” Cas grabbed hold of Dean’s hand, planted a kiss on the back of it, and stalked of mumbling something about finding Chris.

“Holy shit,” Anna said with a laugh.

“Yeah.” Dean responded.

“That was…”Lisa shook her head, unable to find the right word.

“Hot.” Charlie quipped.

And then there was Benny, laughing his ass off. “You’re playing with fire, Dean.”

“Shut up, Benny.”

 

Two weeks later, Dean showed up at Cas’s door exactly two minutes before seven. Cas, of course, had been waiting since six in the hopes that Dean would show up early.

As Cas stood there, door open and mouth agape, Gabriel materialized behind him in a way that startled both teenagers.

“Hello, Dean,” Gabriel said in a sing-song voice.

“Gabriel,” Dean replied curtly, his heartrate slowing down after the slight scare. He felt slightly ashamed that he’d been scared so easily. His dad would have been so disappointed.

“Dean,” Cas said, his heart pounding for a reason that was very much _not_ Gabriel.

“So how’re you, Angel?” Dean asked, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

Cas took it in stride. “I’m just fine, thanks.”

Gabriel melted into the background and Dean relaxed visibly. “You know, he used to pound one of the kids in my English class.”

“Are you surprised?” Cas tilted his head, staring intently at the boy standing on his porch. Dean seemed much more dressed up than Cas was, and he felt suddenly out of place.

“I’m more surprised that you’re a Novak than that he pounded people.” Dean admitted.

“Oh,” Cas shifted uncomfortably. “Dean? Why are you so dressed up?”

He wasn’t too dressed up, actually. It wasn’t suit quality, just not torn-to-shreds jeans and a filthy t-shirt. Cas was in his white board shorts and a black button up. _Not exactly of the same caliber_ , he thought.

Dean laughed. “Me? Dressed up? I’m just wearing clothes my mother wouldn’t kill me for wearing.”

“So she approves?” Cas asked gesturing at some point in between the two of them.

“She’s dead,” Dean said bluntly.

“Oh.”

“It’s okay. I’m sure she would approve, though.” Dean shrugged and hooked his arm around Cas’s. “Doesn’t matter. We’re going out.”

“Where?”

“There’s this awesome diner down the street from school. I think you’ll love it.”

“Sounds great.”

Dean opened the passenger side door of the Impala and closed after Cas got inside, then he got in on his side. “So, are you one of those guys who’s looking at college?”

Cas bit his lip, looking out the windshield at the road. “I’m going to be a doctor. Trauma, probably.”

Dean broke into a smile, “That’s great, Cas.”

“I leave August twentieth for California. I think that’s slightly less great than you think it is.” Cas mumbled unhappily.

“What makes you say that?”

“Honestly?”

“Sounds good,” Dean said as he pulled out of Cas’s driveway.

“I had a crush on you all last year. You’re Dean Winchester. Dean Winchester is giving me a chance. I don’t want to have to leave so soon,” and then, realizing how presumptuous that sounded, he continued. “I mean, not that it’ll necessarily make it that long, but it’d be nice to have time.”

“Screw time,” Dean growled. “Who needs it? It’s summer. I can spend every minute of every day with you if I want.”

“Eyes on the road, Dean,” Cas muttered when he realized how focused he was on him.

“I’m not going to crash. I’m a surprisingly good driver.”

After a period of silence in which Dean had taken one hand off the wheel and put it on Cas’s leg, Castiel squinted at Dean. “What about you?”

“’What about me’ what?” Dean responded.

“College.”

“Not going. I’ve got a job at the garage all lined up for the end of the summer. I’m set.”

“Really?” Cas asked him, disbelieving. “I get that you were never much of an intellectual, but no college?”

“Not interested. I’m fine where I’m at.”

“Not me,” Cas said. “I want to get the hell out.”

Dean could see that Cas was a person who didn’t much care about what other people thought about him, or at least he appeared that way. Dean knew there was a lot deeper stuff that Cas didn’t let on about.

“So, uh, what’d you do to piss of the football team?”

“What?”

“Prom.”

Castiel flushed. “I do not get along with most jock types.”

“So what’d you do?”

“It is not so much what I did as what Gabriel did in my stead.”

“Just tell me what happened, man, before I pull this car over.” Dean commanded jokingly. He was grinning, even laughing slightly, so Cas knew he couldn’t have been completely serious.

“He, uh, asked their girlfriends to prom. For me. All of them.”

Now Dean was laughing so hard there were tears streaming from his eyes. “Are you joking?”

“No, Dean, I am not joking.”

“That is freakin’ awesome.” Dean snorted.

“I would not have told you if I knew you planned to make fun of me .” Cas grumbled, sinking lower in his seat and brushing Dean’s hand off his thigh.

“You know, you’re cute when you’re all ruffled like that.”

“Dean,” Cas whined.

“It’s true.”

“You’re going to get us in an accident.”

Dean grinned his million dollar grin. “So if I do this,” Dean kissed Cas quickly on the cheek, “or this,” this time chastely on the lips, “or even this,” he buried his face his Cas’s neck momentarily, but not pulling back without nipping the soft skin, “you’ll yell at me?”

“If you’re dumb enough to do it again I will,” Cas warned.

“That’s cruel,” Dean replied, lacing the fingers from his free hand through Cas’s hair.

“Both hands on the wheel!” Cas said, and then shouted, “Dean!”

Dean brought his eyes back to the road too late. Another car had pulled in front of them out of the parking lot of the park. Dean slammed on the break, throwing an arm over Cas, but it wasn’t enough; the impala skidded into the other car and there was a sickening crunch. The world was thrown into chaos of metal and screams and dust.

“Cas!” Dean screamed, reaching frantically, wildly through the wreckage.

“Dean, I’m fine. I’m okay.” Cas shifted under his seatbelt. Dean noticed blood dripping down from the spot the seat belt cut into Cas’s shoulder.

“You’re bleeding,” Dean rubbed at the spot the blood was coming from with his jacket. “Let me help you.”

“I’m fine. Really.” Cas replied. He looked around, then back at Dean. “Your car.”

“Damn my car. Are you sure you’re alright?”

Dean forgot for a moment that the Impala was his beautiful Baby, because right now the big deal was Cas. First, how the hell was he going to explain this to Michael? Second, were Cas’s injuries hospital worthy?

The other car had long since pulled away, which astounded both boys. They were both under the impression the damage to the other car had been equal to theirs.

“Cas, are you sure you’re alright?”

“Peachy,” he said with a cough.

Dean ran his hands through his hair. “Everybody is going to kill me. Starting with Michael, ending with my father.”

“It is not that bad. I will not tell Michael, and you can just fix the Impala, right?” Cas looked genuinely concerned for Dean’s car. “But we should look at the damage.”

As Cas watched Dean get out of the car, he noticed a limp that hadn’t been there before, but he decided against saying anything. Dean had already popped the hood before snapping Cas out of his thoughts.

“The damage isn’t as bad as I thought, and the engine’s okay, so I should be able to fix Baby up pretty cheaply.” Dean said, more to himself than to Cas.

“Dean, I—I am so sorry,” Cas told him. “This is all my fault. If I had warned you earlier or been more insistent—“

“It’s not your fault,” Dean replied. “This one’s on me.”

“Dean, I—“

Dean moved as close to Cas as he had to in order to kiss him across the hood of the car. It was quick, a quiet, painless sort of kiss. “You talk too much.”

“I…”

“Quit apologizing.” Dean pulled out his wallet, picking out a twenty dollar bill. “Head down the street and pick us up something from one of the fast food joints and meet me back here.”

“What are we going to do?”

“We’re going to have a date.”

“We were just in a car accident,” Cas reminded him.

“I know that, but this is a date. I’m holding you to it. The only thing stopping me at this point would be internal bleeding.”

“Yours or mine?”

“Go get the food smartass.”

Cas left Dean alone with his car, the front bumper pretty much obliterated and the interior covered in blood.

“Son of a bitch,” he muttered. He’d nearly gotten Cas killed. So much for a good first date. Just like everything he did, he screwed it up. He didn’t mean to, but Dean was just down on his luck, and had been for a while. He thought with Cas things were looking up; gorgeous, smart, sexy Castiel interested in him? It had to be luck. There was no way Cas would sink so low, even after the Prom debacle. Cas was a solid ten, and Dean was a six pretending to be a ten.

Dean’s head was a cruel place to be, the worst depths telling him exactly how much he didn’t deserve Castiel. He didn’t know whether or not it was true, but it seemed pretty likely that Cas was too good for him.

Dean sighed and lit up a cigarette. It was a habit he thought he’d kicked months before, though he carried a pack with him just in case. This was ‘just in case.’ He slammed the hood down roughly, not caring if he did any more damage, and leaned back on in it, throwing his face back into the sun.

He let out a long drag of smoke and watched it disperse into the atmosphere. It was almost peaceful, but he doubted Cas would see eye to eye on it. In fact, he didn’t think Cas saw eye to eye on a lot of Dean’s bad habits. There were a few that got pretty bad when he was younger. He closed his eyes and let the sun beat down.

“That is not healthy,” announced Cas’s voice from above him.

“Son of a…” Dean let the cigarette sag out of his mouth as he sat up. “I was going to put it out before you got back.”

“I would have found out eventually,” Cas pointed out. “I have your food, and your change.” He held up the bag, blank faced.

“It’s not something I do a lot of anymore, okay? I kicked it a while ago. This is a onetime thing.” Dean insisted, getting to his feet and touching Cas’s shoulder. “I promise.”

Cas handed him the bag and headed for the park.

Dean was glad that if he had to crash, he was on the side of the road, at least. It was easier that way.

Dean ran to catch up with Cas, who was already halfway down the path.

“Thanks Cas,” he wheezed.

“No problem,” Cas tried to hide his smile as Dean began to skip between the trees. It didn’t work. “What are you doing?”

“I’m trying to make you laugh.”

“It’s not quite working.”

“Either way,” Dean was ahead of Cas slightly, and could see further, “there’s grass up there we could eat on.”

“Quickly.”

They were on the grassy hill for three hours, long after Cas’s shoulder stopped bleeding, long after the food was gone. Dean planted a warm kiss on Cas’s lips when he dropped him off at the Novaks in his damaged Impala and hoped that neither of them would get in trouble with Michael. Or Gabriel, for that matter.

 

 

 

As the weeks flew by into summer, the one (not so disaster) date Dean was promised turned into spending every evening together—and some days Cas even helped him restore the Impala—only for Cas to leave as things were getting good. His excuse was always his brothers and the curfew, but Dean didn’t quite understand it. Cas was leaving for college soon, and he wanted every minute he could get. He wanted the cuddling and the sex and the movie nights where Cas would fall asleep in his lap, but he never got that. No, Cas denied him even the simplest pleasure.

“Dean,” Cas whispered one night while they were out on the hilltop by the playground. It had been Dean’s idea, really, to go to the hill and have a picnic. The sun had been setting, and Dean was, for the first time in his life, tired of diner food.

“Yeah, Cas?” Dean responded, reaching out for his hand on the blanket.

“What are we doing?”

Dean mulled the question over for a minute. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“What is this? Is this a casual thing? Is it a side fling?” Cas looked at Dean for a long time with that piercing gaze of his before continuing. “I mean to say, is this what love is? Do you—do you love me, Dean?”

Dean looked down the hill at his Impala, the only good thing his father ever did for him. It was reliable, and steady, and beautiful. That was love.

No, he didn’t love Cas. He felt something with such intensity that he didn’t even know if there was a name for it. He liked to think that it was just him and Cas that could feel like this. Nobody else was allowed to love so recklessly, so happily, so effortlessly. Dean didn’t have to pretend, he didn’t have to explain. It was just him and Cas and the stars above their heads.

“Does my heart beat?”

“I assume so.”

Dean laughed light heartedly. “Do you love me?”

“I think that is what this is.” Cas said softly. “Is it wrong to want to love someone?”

“Not at all,” Dean replied. 

 

“Sounds good, Dean,” Sam said, lazily, leaning back in his chair. Dean was perched on the edge of his brother’s bed, telling him about the best night of his life. “But they’re all the best night of your life, anymore. You spend every waking moment with him.”

“It’s like we were made for each other, you know?” Dean replied wistfully, not really hearing his brother.

“Made for each other? I doubt it.” Sam shook his head and Dean watched from behind as he longer hair shook. “Besides, isn’t he going away to school soon?”

“School?” Dean had forgotten about Cas’s college plans. All the way in California, too. Dean couldn’t follow Cas all the way to California.

Or could he?

It wasn’t as though it hadn’t crossed his mind before, of course. Dean would have loved to go anywhere with Cas, but it wasn’t really an easy feat to follow him halfway across the country.

It was crazy, entirely irrational. Dean couldn’t believe he had entertained the idea more than a few seconds, but he wanted so badly to be with Cas for the rest of his life.

“Cas seemed excited about college, Dean. You’re not planning to take that away, are you?”

Of course Dean wasn’t going to take it away. What kind of monster would he be?

“Dean,” Sam said.

He couldn’t take away Cas’s dreams like they were candy. He would hate Dean forever if he did that.

“Dean!”

“Huh?”

“Answer me.” Sam demanded.

Dean picked at a piece of lint from his jeans. “No, I’m not planning to take it away from him.”

“Good.”

“But Sammy?”

“What?”

Dean swallowed, stood and moved to leave the room. “You’ve got to admit that this is the most unfair thing that’s ever happened to me.”

 

Dean pressed his hands to Cas’s cheeks, kissing him roughly. Cas was in ecstasy when he was with Dean, so much so that it was almost easy to forget that he was leaving in two weeks.

Cas seemed almost short sitting on the swing in the playground. Dean was taller on a good day, but this made Cas seem tiny. He had his legs spread to allow Dean to stand between them, the easiest position for Dean to kiss him. It was glorious the way they slotted together. Castiel could almost believe they were made for each other, and then reality would slam down on him like an anvil and he’d have to go. He felt like he was leading his beloved Dean on, even if he didn’t intend to.

After a while, Dean pulled back, his tongue retreating from Cas’s mouth. “Cas, what’s your favorite song?”

He liked that Dean said his name so much, to remind him that he was there, that this was real, that this wasn’t just another beating induced fever dream. It grounded him, it made him remember. These were the days that would be immortalized in his memory. They had to be. Cas didn’t know if he could survive without memories of Dean.

“My favorite song? Ah,” Cas chuckled, “it’s a long story. It’s called Yellow.” He smiled. “I could play it for you if you want.”

“I’d love that,” Dean said, genuinely and sincerely. Cas pulled his mp3 player out of his pocket and unraveled his earbuds. He held them up, handing one to Dean and keeping the other for himself.

“ _Look at the stars. Look how they shine for you…”_

“Coldplay,” Dean said, surprised, as the song began. “I’m down with Coldplay.”

Shockingly, Dean’s music taste didn’t extend much further than Journey. He’d heard some Coldplay, enough to know it when he heard it, but not enough to sing along.

_“I came along, I wrote a song for you.”_

Dean smiled, closing his eyes and taking the earbud out, instead listening to Cas’s own rendition of the song. He realized, then, that as much as he didn’t care entirely for Coldplay, he could listen to it all day if Cas was singing along. Not because he was a good singer, far from it, actually, but because of the way he put everything he had into the lyrics, the smile on his face, the way he gave his all for a tiny, fleeting thing.

_“You know, you know I love you so. You know I love you so.”_

Dean wished he could live out the rest of his time with Cas in slow motion. If he could spend the rest of his days, side by side with him, he would die a happy man. Hell, he’d be happy enough if he died right then and there listening to Cas, his Cas, caterwaul along to his favorite song.

_“I drew a line. I drew a line for you. Oh what a thing to do.”_

He loved Cas, he knew he did. That would have to be the only explanation for the way he could tolerate the music he didn’t listen to, and the off-key singing, and the goofing around. It was all in the inability to hate the things Cas did. Dean loved Cas.

_“For you I'd bleed myself dry.”_

He considered that for a while before deciding that he really wished he didn’t know he loved Cas. If he could tell his favorite Novak straight to his face that he didn’t love him, it’d be a lot easier for Cas to leave, and Dean to let him go.

_“Look at the stars. Look how they shine for you, and all the things that you do.”_

He almost didn’t want the song to end. Cas’s eyes would fly open, then he’d realize he’d been singing along and he’d blush, but the smile would be gone, the sheer carelessness that Dean loved so much about this moment. He wanted to take a picture of, keep it forever, trap it in a frame that he and only he could hold.

“God, Cas,” Dean whispered, “I’m _really_ down with Coldplay.”

Cas didn’t look up right away. He heard Dean perfectly well, he was just waiting out the high, the jubilation that the song brought him. He didn’t know why he loved the song so much, but he had a sneaking suspicion that it had something to do with Yellow being the song that was playing at the party when Dean had first found him.

He’d known about Dean Winchester before the party. He’d heard stories, rumors, horrors. Cas hadn’t really understood all the hype until Dean had tapped him on the shoulder and he’d turned directly into the epitome of masculinity with nearly glowing green eyes.

He also knew that Dean had to have known about him. He was the primary reason behind the entire senior class being detained for an hour after school the Monday following prom. Although it wasn’t entirely his fault, people still found a way to blame Cas for it. They always found a way to blame him.

“I’m glad,” Cas said eventually.

“Oh, and Cas?”

“Yes?”

“When can I take you home?” Dean wiggled his eyebrows. “So I can do unspeakable evils to your hypnotizing body.”

Cas knew the answer. It was and always would be _never_ , but he couldn’t find a way of saying that to Dean. If he could hold out for just another two weeks, then he’d be golden. He could leave Dean at home, heartbreak and all, and then go to California. He knew what would become of them both if they stayed together. It wouldn’t work out. They’d break up. Dean would go on the war path and hurt Cas and everything he loved.

At least this way he’d be far away when it happened.

Cas didn’t offer Dean a reply, instead choosing to tuck his mp3 player in his jacket and kissing him. Dean took to it well enough, and all conversation of sex and home was tucked away.

 

 

“He’s leaving soon, Dean,” Jo said, as though Dean didn’t have the minutes ticking down in his head.

“I know that.”

“Don’t you get that this is your last chance?” Charlie asked. “He’s leaving. Bye-bye Cassie. That means that one of two things is going to happen.”

“One, you’re going to have a beautiful long distance relationship, visit him once a month, and get married someday.” Jo said.

“Or you’re going to crash and burn because he’ll break up with you. Not because he isn’t completely and totally in love with you, but because he doesn’t want you to have to go through the pain of not having him with you all the time. You’ll break. You’ll start sleeping around again. We don’t want to lose you to this, Dean,” said Anna.

“You are awfully certain you can tell the future,” Dean said in a bitter attempt at a joke.

“It’s true though, isn’t it?” Jo asked. “You can’t deny it.”

Dean flopped back on the bed. His bed. The one that Cas had never put a finger on. “No, it’s not true. It’s not like he’ll pack up and leave without saying goodbye.”

Charlie shook her head. “He might.”

“You never know,” Anna agreed. “Besides, if it’s fate, you’ll find each other again.”

“Whatever,” Dean scoffed.

“Don’t whatever me. If you love him, and I mean really love him, you’ve got to do right by him.” Jo warned. “Or I swear to god, Dean Winchester, I won’t let you hear the end of it.”

 

Dean burst into the Novak house like a hurricane. He stomped all the way up the stairs, passing both Gabriel and Michael without acknowledgement, shouting, “Get your ass in gear, Cas, we’re going out!”

Cas materialized in the hallway, confused and disoriented in only his boxers. “Dean? What are you doing here?”

“I’m taking you on a date.”

“We’ve been on dates before.”

“Yeah, but this one is better.”

Cas shook his head, baffled. “I’m not even dressed.”

“Well I don’t mind, but Jess might.” Dean admitted. “You might want to put some clothes on.”

“Who’s Jess?” Cas asked, disappearing into his room.

Dean followed him, hesitating at the doorway. Cas’s room was small, meticulous, the way Sam’s had been before being fourteen started stressing him out. There was a massive bookshelf to the right and a bed to the left. Straight back was the closet.

“Jess is Sam’s girl,” Dean said eventually, still looking around.

“That’s good for him,” Cas replied, but then he sounded confused. “But why would Sam’s girlfriend care if I was wearing clothes?”

“I may or may not have failed to talk my way out of chaperoning.” Dean explained with a shrug. It really wasn’t his fault. His dad had been rather convincing. Ultimatums, in this case one that threatened his remaining time with Cas, were fairly effective on the older Winchester.

“And this is my problem because…?” Cas raised an eyebrow before pulling a t-shirt over his head.

“Because you’re my friend and you care about me,” Dean said, rolling his eyes. “Besides, this isn’t—“

“I’m your _friend_?” Cas asked accusingly. “I thought of us as maybe a little more than that.”

“Cas, I didn’t mean friends-friends, I meant—“

“What exactly did you mean? Did you mean,” Cas, in only his underwear and a T-shirt, stood with his hands firmly on his hips, “boyfriends?”

“Sure, I mean,” Dean rubbed the back of his neck, considering it, “maybe.”

“Dean,” Castiel warned.

Dean rolled his eyes before crossing the room to Cas. “Do you really want me to answer that question?”

Cas nodded expectantly.

So Dean pinned him up against his bedroom wall, using one hand to hold his arms above his head and running the other down his chest. He leaned closer, breath hot on Cas’s neck.

“That give you your answer?” Dean whispered.

“I don’t know,” Cas said, but it sounded more like a dare. Dean pressed their lips together, relishing in the completely perfect taste of _Cas_. It was what he needed to push Cas over the edge. Cas pressed back, sending Dean back onto the bed.

Every part of Dean was screaming _Hell yeah!_ But there was still a part of him that was unsure of what Cas was actually doing. This didn’t seem like him.

He could feel Cas’s arousal through his thin boxers, and Cas was taking full advantage of it, rubbing against Dean for friction.

“Cas,” Dean moaned during a break in Cas’s tongue invading his mouth.

“Does that give you your response?” He ran his tongue along Dean’s throat.

Dean groaned something completely incoherent.

“If you let me get dressed,” Cas said pointedly, “I’ll let you take me on that date.”

The green eyed boy nodded and Cas let him up.

“Jesus, Cas,” Dean rasped, his voice cracking, “You’re good at that.”

“Thank you,” Cas replied, smirking. “So where are we going for dinner?”

 

Time always passed fluidly when Cas was with Dean. Cas liked the way things didn’t seem to take years when Dean was around, the way that even when he was excited, time still went a normal pace.

It wasn’t hard, though, when Dean was everything he was excited about. Dean was all of his favorite things; his green eyes his favourite colour, his eucalyptus cologne his favorite scent, his leather jacket his favourite material. It hadn’t always been that way, of course, but Dean had become his favourite thing unto himself, so it wasn’t hard for the little things to make the list too. Cas was obsessed, a man on fire with love and need. The more Dean was with him, the worse it got. Castiel knew that when the time came to leave, it would be one of the hardest things he’d ever done. He wanted to cling on for dear life, even if it meant giving everything up.

But he couldn’t do that. Not logically, not practically. As much as he thought about it, toyed with it, he couldn’t skip out on his future. College was his big deal, and as much as Cas hated to admit it, his future was going to happen with or without Dean.

“So, Cas, you went to school with my brother?” Sam asked nonchalantly while Dean had gone to order their food.

“I did, yes,” Cas replied. He bounced his leg anxiously, waiting for Dean to come back and still it, missing his gentle touch on his knee.

“You must be quite the guy.”

“I’m okay.” Cas said. “But you’re lucky to have a brother like Dean.”

“Thanks, Cas, but I knew that.”

 

“Since this is the last night Castiel is spending with us, we’ve invited you all here to say goodbye,” Michael stood in front of everyone packed into the picnic tables. Dean had always noticed the hints at authority in his posture, in his tone, but it became so much more obvious when Michael stood in front of a crowd and _preached_. “We are all very proud of Castiel’s accomplishments, especially when I and my brother Gabriel were not able to do as such. He has become a beacon of hope for our family, as well as in many of your lives. He’s an amazing person, and yet so humble. I’ve never met a person whom he has let down, or heard of a promise he has broken. Castiel has never been one to take advantage, or to lead astray. Castiel,” Michael looked at his brother, who was standing further away with Dean, with adoration, “don’t let anyone take this from you. Stay on the straight and narrow, my dear brother.”

Gabriel stood, and, in a very Gabriel-esque show, shouted, “Let’s party!”

Looking around, it was very obvious who Cas’s family had invited and who he’d invited himself. Jo, Charlie, Anna, and Lisa were all standing together, giving Cas and Dean time to say their goodbyes. Nearly everybody else was trying to swarm him, each giving their own version of “Goodbye, I’m proud of you.”

Cas didn’t mind it much, but he was really craving time alone with Dean before he left. After almost an hour of constant people, he turned to Dean and sighed. “Would you walk with me, Dean?”

“Sure.” Dean replied with a shrug, not really having anything better to do.

Of course, it was more than that. This was the end. This was the closing of the book. This was the point of no return. He didn’t have anything better to do because this was Cas, and he’d give anything for just one more minute.

Castiel nodded and started to move, Dean not far behind. They found themselves on a path, surrounded on both sides by trees that led far away from the party.

Dean swallowed hard, his hand gently brushing up against Cas. “Some party, huh?”

Cas shook his head as he looked up at the branches brushing down near their heads. “I have never been one for parties. It’s hard, though, to sit through this one.”

“I know,” Dean said. Walking side by side, Dean could hold his hand with ease. It was like electric shock the longer their hands were in contact.

“No you don’t,” Cas said sadly. “I have to sit there and listen to how I’ve never hurt anybody, never disappointed anyone, but here I am, disappointing you.”

“No, Cas. It’s not like that at all. I’m proud of you.”

Cas took a deep breath, but didn’t answer. Dean couldn’t fathom why Cas thought he was disappointed. He thought everything was going to settle down, that they could still find a way to be happy.

Dean used his free hand to pinch his nose. “Listen, I’d do anything for you, Castiel Novak. I’d do anything for your kisses, for that goddamned Coldplay song. I’d give it all to be back at that party and do it again, not because id change anything, but because I want it to happen again and again. I want to be chosen by you over and over. I want to always belong to you, listening to godawful Coldplay albums in my car driving down backroads and being happy. I would follow you to California, but it’s just not practical. I want to love you into oblivion.”

 Dean waited for a response until, finally, Cas laughed. “You don’t like Coldplay?”

“I only like it when I’m with you.” He loved the way Cas laughed, the way he threw back his head and grinned and his eyes turned approximately the colour of ice. He could listen to him laugh all day and never grow tired of it.

“Why’s that?”

“You sing along to it.”

“Well, that is the only way to listen to Coldplay.” Cas told him with a smile.

A bird flapped its wings high above them in one of the trees, shaking leaves down on their heads. Cas ran his hand along one of the low hanging branches, his feet finding a steady beat against the bark chips . Dean realized he could live like this forever, just walking beside Cas into the nothing. He could live forever doing anything with Cas. He was turning into a sap.

The sun glowed bright against the open blue sky, illuminating the smiles of the two boys joking in the trees. But the sun goes down, the stars trade places, and days end.

“Dean,” Cas said as they stood on the hill—their hill, as Dean would always call it later.

“Yeah?” Dean responded softly. The sky was lit up in a beautiful show of colour and Dean could almost imagine that it was some higher power making it perfect, just for them.

“Will you write to me?”

“Everyday.”

“Dean.”

“Yeah?”

“How crude would it be to ask to make love to you?”

“Now?”

“I didn’t think I’d ever want it,” Castiel squeezed his hand, “but I do, Dean.”

“I don’t have anything with me, Cas,” Dean replied, regretfully.

“That’s okay. When I come back. That can be your Christmas present.”

“I’d like that.”

Dean barely noticed when the stars pervaded the sky and the moon came out over the horizon. He was too busy trying to memorize every piece of Cas, every tiny intricacy, every detail he thought he might forget. Med school would keep him away for a long time, and Dean couldn’t forget. He didn’t care much for the stars anyway; Dean could find the stars in Cas’s eyes, in his wit, in the way he ran his hands up and down Dean’s sides when they kissed. He could find his entire world standing in front of him. Eventually, Cas pulled out the same beat up mp3 player that he always carried on him and placed an earbud in each of their ears.

“Yellow?” Dean asked.

“You said you liked Greenday.”

“Sometimes.” Dean waited as Cas found what he was looking for. “What—“

“Shh…” Cas said, planting a kiss on Dean’s mouth. “Listen.”

_“I heard you crying loud, all the way across town, cause you been searching for that someone…”_

“Cas, what—“

“Hush, Dean.”

_“Well, don't get lonely now, and dry your whining eyes.”_

Cas smiled at Dean the way he had a million times. It occurred to Dean that Cas had gone through a lot of trouble to find and download this song, especially when he knew full well the Novaks didn’t own a computer.

_“No time to search the world around, cause you know where I'll be found when I come around.”_

Dean was struggling to convince himself that Cas would come back for Christmas, and struggling even harder to convince that he’d ever come back. He knew Cas better than most, and he knew that Cas would do almost anything to get the hell out of Lawrence.

_“So go do what you like, make sure you do it wise.”_

“Cas,” Dean croaked.

“Stop talking, Dean Winchester.” Cas replied.

_“You can't go forcing something if it's just not right.”_

They were right. If Dean knew anything, it was that they were right. They would always find each other, no matter what. Even if it meant giving up everything else.

Yes, Dean was sure of that.

_“When I come around, when I come around.”_

Dean hadn’t even noticed Cas whispering along with the lyrics until the song finished and Dean was left with overwhelming silence.

“I like that song,” Dean said after a while.

“So do I,” Cas said, “just remember it. I’ll always be here for you, no matter what.”

Dean wanted to grab his face, kiss him where he lay, remind him of every reason he loved him. He wanted to hold the blue eyed boy until morning came and the sun shone over them again and their spell was broken. Dean wanted to tell him that he loved him endlessly, breathlessly, recklessly; the way his heart beats and his mind wanders. He loved him all over the place, with every fiber of his being. He loved every little thing about Cas, down to the way his eyes dulled when he was tired, and the way his smile looked more like a smirk when Dean was being ridiculous.

Yes, Dean loved it all, but now it was time to let go.

“Do you love me, Cas?” Dean whispered, bringing both of Cas’s hands to his chest, keeping him close, never breaking eye contact.

“Until the end of time.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> Hiya! So this might not be updated for a while as I was aiming for very long chapters and I've got school and basketball and nine kinds of insanity going on right now. Just know that when you do get an update it'll be 692884% worth it. I promise.


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